So my sister's birthday is coming up on sunday. I have to deal with a bunch of shit but the great news is that me and Jonathan are going out again and that I loveee him ^_^ he's so awesome. My job at the bowling alley is pretty awesome too. I'm thinking about getting more ICP stuff for my room and maybe either glow in the dark pot leaves or glow in the dark stars.
Lately I've been fasinated by glowing stuff! anyway I can't wait till the party on sunday :) cuz then I can consider mi new years resolution at an end!! whoo hoo!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
In the end theres nothing only you to consoul your self in death's eternal embrase...
ok so I was bored and decided to blog :] and I read a comment someone's certain little gf posted and you know what I don't believe in karma, god or anything else that rediculous. But instead of being my usual self and making things worst by getting pissed, I'm just gunna let it go. Because I had my reasons and my life is none of your business. Oh and Jacob I'd really prefer if you didn't let her read my blog.
I only let you read it because I thought I could at least trust you with that much. But whatever I guess you don't know how to keep you mouth shut. either way that shit wasn't the reason for my blog. I'm blogging because I recently got a job. :] yay I'm a party hostess at a bowling alley by my house. It's pretty cool ^_^
Right now i'm in training but after the next party I think I'll be running a party of my own. I'm nervous but I'm willing to try, I mean I've never done it before so whose to say that I won't like it. Plus I already have a friend there, she knows certain people who I don't like. And she's pretty awesome but I'm not naming any names.
Cuase god knows if I do then a certain somebody might say something to someone else and she'll know where to find me. And if that certain somebody figured out who I don't want knowing then I'll be pissed if she shows up. Not only because I'll be made fun of and picked on but because I don't think I'll be able to hold my composure and I might blow up! lol >:) Plus I'd probably lose my job!
And I really don't like that idea seeing as I'm making new friends. Anywho back to what I wanted to say; I was bored and on myspace so I decided to see what my ex Matt was up to. (no I'm not talking to him) but last time I did talk to him he said something about killing himself and I wanted to see if he was ok. Seems like me that he's still up to whoring around with chicks. But I did find something interesting that cuaght my eye.
It also made me feel shitty, it was a poem or whatever you call it that he posted as a blog.
(this is it)
The way the drugs make me feel it is like flying the way my life makes me it is as if I am dying things that once were are no more and things that could have been will never happen you made me feel alive but now all i want to do is die you kept the breath in me no you cut my lungs and I breath no more in the rest of my time i hope to never see your face again becuase if I do I will definetly choke on my heart as the broken shard slowly kill me from the inside to hear you voice would be like hot pokers in my ears and to just hear of you would make me want to leave this world forever I thought you loved me or could one day love me but i was wrong and for that I will always be gone I have said it before and I will say it again it will be as if i never existed
See the i"it will be as if I never existed is 1 yes from twilight and 2 something said to me before we got off the phone the night we stopped talking. :(
I was so pissed off that night, he and his friends acted as if I was a slab of meat they could fuck. (no I haven't done anything with them!) nor do I ever want to. And by some chance if he commits suicide no I wouldn't feel bad. Call me heartless I call not giving a damn cause he cheated like 4 or 5 times and had the nerve to touch me(
not in that way...) anywho then only thing I feel bad about is that from the poems I read it seems like that fight effected him a lot.. and that he might be suffering. At the time I cared sooo much and to be hurt like that well, the scars are still there but I try not to think about it. But as I'm writing I'm begining to luagh at his misery because I just realized he deserved it. 1 reason and 1 reason only and it's because while I lived in riverview I could barely sleep because I was terrified every night and Jacob you know why and please don't tell ANYONE. I don't care who or how much you care!! You know that was horrible and I don't want many people knowing... anyway he did nothing but watch me suffer and watch scars appear which by the way I still have thank god most people can't read the "kill me" and "worthless" that were once cut into my arm. So you know what never mind me feeling a little bad I feel nothing except those scars left by an asshole who didn't give a fuck wether I was happy or dead.
--Suicide Doll
I only let you read it because I thought I could at least trust you with that much. But whatever I guess you don't know how to keep you mouth shut. either way that shit wasn't the reason for my blog. I'm blogging because I recently got a job. :] yay I'm a party hostess at a bowling alley by my house. It's pretty cool ^_^
Right now i'm in training but after the next party I think I'll be running a party of my own. I'm nervous but I'm willing to try, I mean I've never done it before so whose to say that I won't like it. Plus I already have a friend there, she knows certain people who I don't like. And she's pretty awesome but I'm not naming any names.
Cuase god knows if I do then a certain somebody might say something to someone else and she'll know where to find me. And if that certain somebody figured out who I don't want knowing then I'll be pissed if she shows up. Not only because I'll be made fun of and picked on but because I don't think I'll be able to hold my composure and I might blow up! lol >:) Plus I'd probably lose my job!
And I really don't like that idea seeing as I'm making new friends. Anywho back to what I wanted to say; I was bored and on myspace so I decided to see what my ex Matt was up to. (no I'm not talking to him) but last time I did talk to him he said something about killing himself and I wanted to see if he was ok. Seems like me that he's still up to whoring around with chicks. But I did find something interesting that cuaght my eye.
It also made me feel shitty, it was a poem or whatever you call it that he posted as a blog.
(this is it)
The way the drugs make me feel it is like flying the way my life makes me it is as if I am dying things that once were are no more and things that could have been will never happen you made me feel alive but now all i want to do is die you kept the breath in me no you cut my lungs and I breath no more in the rest of my time i hope to never see your face again becuase if I do I will definetly choke on my heart as the broken shard slowly kill me from the inside to hear you voice would be like hot pokers in my ears and to just hear of you would make me want to leave this world forever I thought you loved me or could one day love me but i was wrong and for that I will always be gone I have said it before and I will say it again it will be as if i never existed
See the i"it will be as if I never existed is 1 yes from twilight and 2 something said to me before we got off the phone the night we stopped talking. :(
I was so pissed off that night, he and his friends acted as if I was a slab of meat they could fuck. (no I haven't done anything with them!) nor do I ever want to. And by some chance if he commits suicide no I wouldn't feel bad. Call me heartless I call not giving a damn cause he cheated like 4 or 5 times and had the nerve to touch me(
not in that way...) anywho then only thing I feel bad about is that from the poems I read it seems like that fight effected him a lot.. and that he might be suffering. At the time I cared sooo much and to be hurt like that well, the scars are still there but I try not to think about it. But as I'm writing I'm begining to luagh at his misery because I just realized he deserved it. 1 reason and 1 reason only and it's because while I lived in riverview I could barely sleep because I was terrified every night and Jacob you know why and please don't tell ANYONE. I don't care who or how much you care!! You know that was horrible and I don't want many people knowing... anyway he did nothing but watch me suffer and watch scars appear which by the way I still have thank god most people can't read the "kill me" and "worthless" that were once cut into my arm. So you know what never mind me feeling a little bad I feel nothing except those scars left by an asshole who didn't give a fuck wether I was happy or dead.
--Suicide Doll
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