i cant think of a reason to get the fuck outta bed

ok so christmas is coming up and ill be spending it with mi fiance :) ah i love him so much :) tonight since his mom is leaving in the morning we're doing their xmas and on christmas we're going to mi house to open presents there :)

so he got a new job and honestly idk..... I like that we're gunna be able to see each other on the weekend like we used to but on mondays he has to go back to work... which speaking of mi love he should be heading home now :\ I guess this is the time where i pretend to be super duper happy for his sake at least :)

I know hes happy which makes me happy im just worried about how our schedules will play out.... idk this is all confusing and happening so fast... I guess we'll make right? we always do ^_^ plus maybe it'll take him to different places at different paces (lol that rhymed) and he'll get somewhere...

unlike me he has the ability to adapt and change for the better.. idk y he's with me because I honestly dont see me going anywhere.. idk what he sees in me :\ not that special other than the fact that im in school and I got a job... (which is pretty much a joke...) i mean making kids happy is great but the pay sucks... and I know im doing mi boss a big favor cuz really even she knows its a shitty job.. but whatever cant do anything until im out of school because that has to come first. I really wont get anywhere now a days without that little piece of paper that says I wasted the majority of mi childhood... ok it feels like im wasting it now

which yes I kno ur probably thinking once ur done you'll realize it wasnt a waste but right now it feels like its dragging on for forever when i could be done and getting a real job to help pay for things and save up.... :\ omg i hav a feeling life is about to get really hard.. hope im wrong...


--Suiside Doll

leave me alone; get out of mi face

I hate this shit only like 2 more days till christmas break.... oh joy.. I feel alone right now honestly and it sucks cause in reality I am :\ I mean I have Jacob but he isn't here at the moment I got a job but it isn't the best I got family but it feels like I can't tell them anything.... and I got school but its cold as shit right now and I hate some of the people there.....

Sometimes it feels like mi life is a waste of time >_> but I mean im engaged to the love of mi life and I can't wait til I move in with him then it wouldn't be as bad and to top it all off we had a massive fight the other night..... which Jacob decided to blurt out that were engaged to mi parents.... Wonderful thats just the way I wanted them to know... "yea hey, I know we're fighting an all but IM EFFING ENGAGED!!!!" I totally see how thats going to make everything better -_-

Now its all ruined when I told them I wanted to tell them under good circumstances not in the middle of a gad damn fight..... I can't believe he did that it really suck and when I say suck I dont make stupid kind of suck I mean it TOTALLY AND UTTERLY effing blows.... >_> what am I to do now? Well I was thinking about telling them he was lying...... just to see their reaction but I don't think he'd like that too much... everything is wrong

--Suicide Doll

Peppermint winter :)

Ok so Christmas is coming up fast :P and im in need of getting jacob a gift >:) hes going to love it! I kno he will hes been wanting it for a while now cant wait to give it too him although it might have to come late :\ oh well he'll still love it.. ok so I was starting to wonder if silent hill is a town that u can actually go visit..

Like I knew it WAS but is it ok now? lol and idk just a random question :) so me and Jacob will be together for 5 months on the 6th of this month :) time flies by so fast ^_^ oh yea and another thing ive realized is that old ppl piss me off... I'm not sure why its just seems since mi grandma has been living with us; she just pisses me off ok? its really confusing like srsly I think its mostly because when I get up in the morning I want mi space not someone sitting there up at 5:30 with no reason...

I just miss mi space when I didnt hav to watch her like a little kid to make sure she took her medicine... I shouldn't have to do that... plus everytime she gets up or sits down she groans... ok I hurt all the time and people gt pissed at me when I do it.. but its ok if she does? I know shes old but I carry a heavy ass book bag up and dow stairs all day. I can barely lift that shit up... ._. grr idk old ppl just piss me off >.> im not too sure if thats normal or not but w/e

-- Suicide Doll