I'm sitting in this room playing Russian roulette, finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet

Ok so since the last time I wrote I'm no longer single. I'm with this guy named Jacob. I've known him for almost two years now, he was the one I gave my "V" card to.. :] he's been there for me when everyone left. I care a lot about him and I know for a fact he isn't a cheater and that he loves me.

As for Matt we've sorta stopped talking... keeping in contact with him would be painful, plus he'll never change.. but I've been happy lately ^_^ and I hope it doeswn't change because I enjoy being happy. oh yea and I got a new cat.. his name is Jasper one of my friends couldn't handle him cause he's really playful and her other cat doesn't like him.

My only problem is that he won't stop hissing at me, today is his first day at my house so I don't know if he's just frightened or what.. oh and my house has a history of weird stuff happening. So maybe it's because my house is haunted and he knows it and is scared.

So if you have any tips on how to make Jasper feel as home and not frightened it would help a lot! :D

-- Suicide Doll

So theres this guy....

His name is Jonathan (I hope thats how you spell his name) and he picks up and drops off his brother at elementary school. My two cousins and my littliest sister go there. He says that he's a jerk but I disagree. I think he's sweet.

Plus he's pretty cute. :D I love hanging out with him even if we aren't doing anything special. Cause lately I've been feelin pretty crappy (emotionally) and I like the company. But he'll probably get tired of me sooner or later. Everyone usually does.

Oh well... but anyways so a few days after me and Matt split up Matt told me he needed me in his life. Well if you really need someone don't you think you would at least attempt to talk to them? I bet if I was to call him and see what was going on he would say "well you never called!" I don't know I guess keeping contact is so important to me because I'. afraid something bad will happen...

I don't like feeling like this, but theres nothing I can do I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't want me... But I think I'm going to go solo for a while.. :\ but I do still care about Matt...

Destination Depressed

Hey everyone so as you know my boyfriend well ex boyfriend now has cheated... the first few days I cried of course, and the days to follow seemed to get better. Until today for some reason I'm worst than before! I just don't know what to do, today I just wanna sit down and cry, cry and cry some more! I hate feeling like this.. i want him but I know he won't change...

So I need some advice on how to not feel so bad... Cause I don't think I can take much more of this! I'm worst with depression than I was before.. Matt helped and now he's gone :\ Talking with friends doesn't help the only time I'm not in emotional pain is either when I'm drunk, high or with a friend. And since I'm home schooled pretty much all my friends are in school when I need them. And when school gets out they have home work or more important things to do.

I find no comfort in memories of me and Matt anymore only pain. It isn't just emotional pain either sometimes my emotional pain is just so much that it acctually turns into physical pain. I can't take it! Why did he have to do this to me? Why do people cheat? Don't they know that it hurts the ones they claim to love? Why not end something before you start something else? I wouldn't hurt as much....

-- Suicide Doll