if its the last thing i do it would to be forget about you...

Ugh, I so sick of it! Yea well here we go again Jacob just doesn't understand! I hav a need to feel independent, comparing me with someone else just pisses me off! >:( He can go fuck himself!! "I wasn't thinking." is always the excuse do you ever think?

You know what I'll just forget everything! Your face, your voice EVERYTHING!! I'm so sick of you! >:[ and yes saying all this kinda hurts but idk anymore! I hope you get into a motorcycle accident and you snap ur neck!!

But on a plus note Samantha is here, Jonathan was earlier. He's comin over tomorrow >:] can't wait. Sooo yea :P My christmas was great but now I gotta get rid of one of my present.... gettin rid of shit is the first key to forgetting right? oh well life goes on right?

--Suicide Doll

Happy holidays!

ok so I noticed tomorrow is x-mas! And to those who celebrate a different holiday, happy holidays! I probably would be one tomorrow seeing as it is christmas. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! I know I will :P and for a change I can honestly say nothing is wrong I'm content with the way things are.

I'm happy I'll be home at my mom's for christmas, and yes I did move back there. Oh and srry I havne't been adding my usual Suicide Doll pics at the end I just haven't had time to make more. :) but anyways I hope you have a wicked day tomorrow >:)

-- Suicide Doll

Last night was weird...

Ok so last night I had a dream about zombies and vampires.. At the begining of the dream I was a zombie but I wasn't myself I was some guy. And I kept thinking that humans had no right to live. People kept running and I found a man trying to get into a van with his wife and child. I didn't have control over this zombie's actions but I could hear his thoughts and see what he was doing. He killed the family and started eating the child.

At that point I woke up, I was freaking out but I went back to sleep and feel into the same dream. Only this time I was at the park by my house and I had other people there. They were humans except for one he was a very hot vampire. He swept me into a hug and bent his head down and bit me. I could physically feel this and it wasn't bad or anything but when he was done. I knew I was a vampire for some reason, and that was zombies dressed at KKK members started running into the park. Then some zombies dress in black KKK outfits were running right after them. I knew I had to protect my friend. But before anything happened I woke up again.

weird dream I know... It was messed up so I had to write about it! lol tell me what ya think. :P

--Suicide Doll

uh oh...

ok I think I really messed up because yesterday I snapped at Jonathan.. I didn't mean to its just im PMS'ing and I got irritated and before I knew it I told him to shut up... I immediatlly said sorry and I said it again today but he won't talk to me all he said was "ok..."

I feel bad :[ I don't know what to do. What if he just doesn't wanna talk to me anymore? I mean what I think i'm gunna do is give him some space.. and see if it helps. I mean I feel so bad I cried yesterday :[ oh and I got a bf his name is Jacob. The same guy that I lost my "V card" to. I can't acctually say he's a new bf though becasue we've gone out before.

But anyways if Jonathan doesn't wanna talk to me anymore it'll be super depressing cause he's my only friend at my mom's house! All my other friends like Rick and Austin live too far to walk. And I can't drive yet... Idk any suggestions??