depressed...again....

I've been avoiding the fact that job corp could call at anytime... I too comfortable with the fact that I really care about Jonathan.. well it looks like they called.. now all he's doing is waiting for a room to open for him. After that its off to the marines.. what if I never see him again? or what if he forgets about me? ... idk why I'm crying right now but I am.

I going to miss him so much and when he leaves I'll be left with nothing but memories that will huant me until I can't take it no more. I don't want him to go but I'm a nobody. He doesn't need me and its his future... He needs this oportunity, I just wish I could see him more....

I knew this day would come and I didn't want to get too close cuz I knew in the end it would hurt, but I couldn't help myself. He has a wonderful personalilty and he looks out for me...

I'm just going to REALLY REALLY miss him, and as I type I'm talking on the phone with him. I'm trying so hard not to cry and when I'm around him its even harder. I just don't know what I'm going to do when he leaves... I'm going to be depressed, but thats a given I guess.

Other than that I guess I'll probably sit in my room cry, and not eat.. Idk... I just don't wanna bother him with all this cuz he'll just say there are more guys out there... yea that may be true but there aren't any guys out there just like him... he's a one of a kind.

Why does it seem like everytime I find a guy I really wanna be with they either cheat or in this case have to leave... no matter what way I turn it always seems like the wrong direction. I thought I knew happy in the past but I was wrong because unlike the other times when I thought I was close to happiness this time I didn't need to search for it... it was there, and I was finally where I wanted to be.

Next to him, even with all his corny jokes and even if we weren't doing anything special its where I wanted to be... I just don't see me with anyone for a very very very long time after he leaves.. I'm fed up with getting hurt whether its intetional or not, I'm tired of it all....



"I often miss this little girl... whose dreams had no barriers... who belived in a world where anything is possible with a heart that was full and unbroken..."


--Suicide Doll