Okay so lately things have been hectic and I figured I might wanna try bloging..
okay so I have no clue what's wrong with me. I can't eat or even bare to look at food, I don't really feel like I have emotions I feel... empty. The only time I don't is when I'm around my boyfriend Matt. I know I must sound crazy but honestly I'm telling you the truth, I don't feel anything and it sorta bothers me but I can't bring myself to care. I don't know.. I'm sure people around me notice that I kinda drift through the day kinda on auto-pilot. And when feeling does come back its nothing but sadness because I feel alone. But the good thing is sometimes I get happy every now and then. Like today wasn't so bad, but then again I've tried avoiding everything that bothers me. And by the way, yes I have plotted to kill myself but, good news I haven't so no worries I love my boyfriend too much to leave him.. And I probably never will. Sometimes I sit in my room and wonder about general what if's. Like what if I died? How would it effect the people around me? I wish I could find out only without the dying part. Or what if I was shot, stabbed, hit by a car and trampled by horses? And if I some how live through all of that (which I highly doubt) I bet it would be really painful. You know about a month or so ago, I was at the beach with my boyfriend, my aunt, uncle and a bunch of their friends, well one of their friend's kids went up to me and asked "Are you dead or something cause your really pale!" and all I could say was "What the hell!?" and she asked "Well are you like a vampire then?" and I was like "Yes! I'm a vampire which means I'm dead!" she got scared and walked away.. -_- god sometimes kids annoy me! I mean I know i'm pale but c'mon! By the way she still asks if I'm dead everytime I see her and each time I reply "Yes, an its not likely to change the next time you see me!" By the way if anyone wants to add me on myspace my email is snowdemon20@hotmail.com or just go to myspace.com/snowdemon20
Okay so I guess this is it for the first post :]
oh and if you like my writing and stuff tell your friends about me! <3
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